Relationship breakup
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 |
This article may require cleanup to meet Wikipedia's quality standards. Please improve this article if you can. (February 2009) |
 |
|
Types of relationships Major relationship events Feelings and emotions Human practices Relationship abuse |
A relationship breakup (or otherwise simply known as a breakup) refers to the ending of a relationship, typically a romantic one. A breakup can vary from casual to emotionally traumatic.
Breakups can occur for innumerable reasons, including conflicts in personality, lifestyle changes, a breach in a mutual code of conduct or attraction to a different person. A breakup that is decided upon by only one person is commonly referred to in English as a dump.
In psychology, there are several models that attempt to explain the trajectory of the breakup or dissolution of a relationship.
One such theory for dissolution can include Lee's (1984). According to this theory, there are five reasons why, over time, a relationship "breaks down":
- Dissatisfaction — partner/s become dissatisfied.
- Exposure — the problem/s becomes apparent to both parties.
- Negotiation — a solution is negotiated.
- Attempted resolution — solution is applied.
- Termination — if the solution does not work/there are no other solutions.
[edit] Recovery
 |
This article contains instructions, advice, or how-to content. The purpose of Wikipedia is to present facts, not to train. Please help improve this article either by rewriting the how-to content or by moving it to Wikiversity or Wikibooks. |
It has been said that breaking up is hard to do. What many people find even harder still is the healing process that comes after such a traumatic emotional event. According to an article by John Fetto (2003), a survey conducted by eNation found that nearly one-third of Americans have experienced a break-up in the past ten years (para. 2). He also found that the younger the person, the more likely they are to have experienced more than one break-up in the last decade (para. 3). It is believed that this is because young people are more actively dating than older generations, though this may be changing with the growing divorce rate, and thus are breaking up more frequently as well. This makes breakups one of the more common emotional experiences in modern society.
Healing from heartache is a long process with multiple steps and stages. Some steps include; allowing adequate time to recover, improving intra personal relationships, and the actual act of letting go. In addition, sometimes the break-up comes as a shock and one can be left to pick up the pieces unexpectedly, making this process even more hectic. Even in situations where the break-up was long overdue or even expected, breaking up and the process of healing afterwards is still an extensive process.
Most people fail to recognize that allowing adequate time to heal is extremely important. It is impossible to completely recover from a break-up within a few days. Also, the length of the relationship does not always determine the amount of time it will take to get over it. It is the measure of the impact the person had on another that matters. Once the realization comes that time is not the enemy but a supporter, one must adequately allow one’s self the appropriate amount of time before fully moving on. Entering a relationship during this period is also known as the "rebound" relationship. Landing in a new relationship while still tending to a broken heart will most likely end up in disaster. It is difficult to allow someone into one’s life when part of the space is still occupied by someone else. According to Lisa Steadman (2007), author of It’s a Breakup not a Breakdown, “… the more time and distance you put between yourself and your ex, the better your chances are of healing your heart and moving on” (p. 13).
Instead of worrying about the previous relationship, improving the intrapersonal relationship contributes to a faster and healthier recovery. According to Dr. Phil (2005), “Sometimes the relationship you need to rescue is the one with yourself. Moving past a breakup is about you, not your ex” (para. 3). Discovering what part one had in the downfall of a relationship can sometimes help one to realize what he or she needs to improve on. A relationship, after all, occurs between two people and not just one. Pointing out the things one did right or well in a relationship helps improve confidence levels as well as self-esteem. Truly loving one’s self can really help someone to learn to love another. This is the perfect time to take care of yourself and make yourself happy. This in turn will bring more positive relationships in all aspects of your life.
Breaking up is difficult. Accepting it and letting go is even more difficult, but significant and essential to moving on. After the anger and hurt have finally passed, forgiving an ex for whatever he or she contributed to the downfall of a relationship is key. If one continues to hold a grudge, it is possible to carry that blame into the next relationship. Forgiveness for whatever wrong one may have caused in the relationship or for the simple fact of being involved with that particular person is a must. Dr. Laurie A. Helgoe (2006), author of The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Breaking Up, believes that, “By releasing the past, you can approach new relationships with a fresh perspective and clearer vision” (p. 132). Releasing the relationship and person physically from one’s life will help to keep both from constantly resurfacing in everyday life. Taking down photographs, rearranging furniture, and erasing their phone number are just some of the things one can physically do to release the relationship. Doing some of these things can be extremely therapeutic and can also help to release the person mentally as well. Releasing the relationship and person from the mind and daily thoughts allocates more space to think about other important things including future relationships.
Once one is able to complete this process it is possible to finally and happily move on.
[edit] See also
[edit] References
- Lee, L. Sequences in Separation: A Framework for Investigating Endings of the Personal (Romantic) Relationship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1984, Vol. 1, No. 1, pp 49-73. DOI: 10.1177/0265407584011004
- Cook, Robert (2008) Magic Of Making Up Review from Get Ex Back Product Reports
- Fetto, John. (2003). Love Stinks: Statistics on Failed Relationships. BNet: Business Network. Retrieved January 25, 2008, from http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4021/is_1_25/ai_96734611.
- Helgoe, Laurie A. (2006).The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Breaking Up. New York, NY: Penguin Group.
- McGraw, Phil. (2008). Relationships/Sex: Healing a Broken Heart. Retrieved January 25, 2008, from http://drphil.com/articles/article/18/.
- Steadman, Lisa. (2007).It's a Breakup Not a Breakdown. Avon, MA: Polka Dot Press.
